Hard Bucking
by Hellfilly Deluxe
Summary: Celestia and Luna have a completely normal coversation... Totally normal. Rated "T" for "enacious D".


**A/N: As you can probably tell from the title (or the description), this is inspired by the skits found on Tenacious D albums. If you don't get it, good for you. I really don't get it either.**

**HARD BUCKING  
****By That Gamer!  
****Inspired by the skits on _Tenacious D_ and _Rize Of The Fenix_**

"Luna."

"Celestia, sister."

"How'z it been goin'? Like, what's been going on?"

"How hath it been going with us? We hath not been doing anything, sister. Is there any particular reason why-eth thou art asking?"

"I've just been wondering..."

"Wondering? What?"

"Let me say it! I've been wondering... Are you ever gonna get laid?"

"Wha-what? Why would thou ask-eth us that, sister?"

"I mean, you can't spend your whole life wrapped up in that little moon bubble you've made for yourself."

"Doth thou realize that we aren't into this kind of-"

"Are you scared of penetration? You afraid of giving a lil' kielbasa sausage to your second pair of lips?"

"Kielbasa- what? Thou doth realize that thy's choice of words be-eth quite silly!"

"Stop trying to change the subject, dear sister. You need to get some sometime! Think about it! Sometime in the future, you're gonna die and who is gonna, like, bucking raise and lower the moon and stuff?"

"We thought we were immortal or something like-eth that."

"That's not the point. You have to get it done at some point in your life."

"What if we don't want to?"

"Look, you just need to be taught. Have you ever done it yourself?"

"No! We think we hath established by this point-"

"I don't care, I don't care..."

"-that we hath not done anything of this sort. We do enquire, is there any other reason why thou would be dwelling on this topic?"

"I don't care! Frank, get in here!"

"Yes, your majesty! What do you need?"

"Just stand there for a second, Major Gilipollas."

"I've been up-ranked to Major?"

"Yes, just for this."

"Oh."

"Anyways, Luna, meet Mahor Gilipollas."

"We art charmed."

"OK, so you both know each other. Now for you two to get intimate."

"What are you talking- _UNGHYOURMAJESTY_!"

"Sister! What art thou doing in the name buck?"

"Getting him ready for you! Or maybe we can do double team, I dunno."

"No, sister... Just no."

"Look, I'm already getting him ready for you, you might as well go along with it."

"AND I'M NOT VERY COMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW."

"Shut up, Gilipollas."

"YES, YOU'RE MAJESTY."

"Now, Lulu, please, just do it."

"We refuse to go through with such an act!"

"Are you just scared?"

"No! Why would-eth thou-"

"'Cause it's actually a lot like getting a needle. You can see it coming and it might SEEM horrible, but if you take a deep breath and close your eyes, it's not too bad. Sure, you can feel it enter and it's not that good a feeling, but as long as you don't move, it'll be over quickly."

"That metaphor, for one, is awful, sister. Second, we doth also hate needles, so that makes it EVEN WORSE."

"Stop being such a wuss and let him do what he has to."

"YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH ANY OF THIS!"

"I'll triple your pay."

"WHAT PAY?"

"OK then, I'll start paying you, then I'll triple it."

"HOW MUCH?"

"Does it matter? Look, just buck her up the plot. 'Cause some c0ck chaos up in this place."

"UHM, OK. SORRY FOR THIS, PRINCESS LUNA."

"Thou does not have to be sorry for thy's actions."

"AND WHY WOULD THAT BE?... PRINCESS CELESTIA, YOU CAN STOP NOW."

"Oh... Right... Sorry."

"So, anyways, why don't I have to be sorry?"

"Because, thou isn't here."

"Wh-"

"Luna! I got him all nice and ready for you and you just zap him away?"

"Sister, we told-eth thou once, so we shalt tell-eth thou again: We are not interested in 'bucking', as thou call-eth it. So just leave-eth us out of this."

"Where did you send him, anyways?"

"Naughty Naughty Luna."

"Oh, your much better clone."

"Do not compare us to a clone, sister."

"Once you start calling me by my real name."

"Sorry, sister Celestia. Doth thou promise to drop this topic of bucking stallions for purposes other then procreation?"

"When did I say it was for anything else?"

"Well, I assumed since thou was doing-"

"I forgive you anyways."

"Why art thou forgiving us?"

"Because you don't want to buck anypony! A-duh!"

"Because we art not into that sort of thing, sister! We art sorry that we art abhorring thy's ideas, but we really aren't interested."

"And that's why it's my job to find a way to get you interested."

"Oh, for the love of..."

"Hello? Is there anypony in here?"

"Rarity? Why are you here?"

"Nothing... I'm just looking for some ponies. I need to give them this."

"Drinks? Why would-eth thou be delivering drinks?"

"It's none of your business. Anyways, could you look after these while I look for said ponies?"

"Sure, we can."

"Thanks. I'll be back shortly."

"Mm-hmm... Sister, doth thou know what this be-eth?"

"Hold on a second."

"...Well?"

"Lov... Diet Coke!"

"We do enquire, what be-eth Coke?"

"That stuff Pinkie Pie takes, I think. This just has less calories. What ever those are... You mind takin' a drink of this?"

"What? We thought Rarity asked us to watch-eth these, not drink for our own pleasure! 'Our' meaning us and thou."

"Yeah, she did tell us not to drink these, but I think one of the ponies she was talking about was you. So drink up."

"Only if thou doth drink it as well."

"Erm... Well, one of these is bad and I don't wanna drink one that tastes less then good!"

"OK, thou will mock-eth us about wanting to do less then desirable sexual acts, but thou will not drink what thou doth call 'Diet Coke'?"

"Look, I'll get myself a different one, OK? C'mon, we're going."

"Where?"

"To the drive-thru!"

"Drive-thrus doth exist?"

"Of course they do! Let's go!"

"But, sister, can we not send somepony else to do-eth this?"

"Where's the fun in that?... Now let's move!"

"Your majesty, this is quite sudden. Shouldn't you at least-"

"No! Just go!"

"Fine, fine, fine..."

"...And make that sound I told you to make!"

"Ugh... Phphphphphphphphphphphph..."

"That's good. Hey, Luna, what do you think will happen if the world ever ends?"

"We do not know. We shalt get 'laid'?"

"Aside from that. I was thinking more along the lines of a Deth Starr!"

"Sister, art thou smoking dust yet again?"

"No, I'm serious. We could build one and go into space and, like, search the galaxy and stuff! We could even steal your moon to take along with us!"

"Thou shalt steal our moon. Art thou out of thy's mind?"

"For the last time, Lulu, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just suggesting what I think is a perfectly reasonable idea."

"Thy's idea of sane is a Death Star?"

"Deth Starr. Get it right."

"But the two pronunciations art exactly the same..."

"Well, buck you. We're here."

"KKKKT! Welcome to McDoanld's, how may I help you?"

"Uh, yes this, is Princess Celestia and I-"

"KKKKT! Princess Celestia? Really?"

"Yeah, I just said that. I-"

"KKKKT! Greasy, we got royalty here!"

"YES! There is! Can I order something?"

"KKKKT! Yes, ma'am."

"Don't call me Yes. Now, I would like... Uhm... A..."

"KKKKT! Would you like a special seasoned curlies?"

"Shut up while I order! Uh, let's see... I want a Diet Coke..."

"KKKKT! Diet Coke."

"And I might as well get something else while I'm here... Uh, let's see... I guess I'll take- you know your 6 piece Chicken McNugget thingy?"

"KKKKT! 6 piece Chicken McNiggets."

"Yeah, I want you to get rid of two of them; give me just the 4."

"KKKKT! Chicken McNiggets come in packages of 6 or 10."

"No, I want you to give me just the 4. Throw two away... I-I'm trying to watch my figure!"

"Why art thou watching thy's figure? Thou doth look fine."

"Look, my flank has been getting me into a lot of trouble recentley and I just want to lose a little weight. What, I can't have a goal?"

"No, we never said-eth that, it's just that- This be-eth so unpregnant..."

"Yeah, whatever. So what else do I want?... Uhm... Remember those curlies you offered me earlier?"

"KKKKT! Seasoned curlies specials, yes?"

"Yeah, give me a small, A SMALL, seasoned curlies!..."

"KKKKT! Small seasoned curlies.

"'Cause I'm tryin' to watch my figure. I said that already, didn't I?"

"Yes. Thou did."

"I wasn't talking to you, Luna. Now... Uhm... Ffffffffbuck me flank..."

"KKKKT! Buck your flank."

"Downsize that, please. Maybe just a hump or sumthin', I dunno."

"KKKKT! OK, downsizing buck."

"And that drink, too! Downsize it! 'Cause my figure!"

"KKKKT! OK, downsizing drink as well."

"OK... Y'know, give me some fish as well."

"KKKKT! Fish as well, yes."

"Stop copying me. Anyways, do you want anything, Luna?"

"Really? Well, if thou insists..."

"Oh FAWST! Take FOREVER!"

"We-"

"...It's not that funny, Luna."

"We know, it be-eth just... Heh-heh-heh... OK, OK, we shalt move on. Hmm... We'll take... Do you have moon cakes?"

"KKKKT! We have Frosties and those are kind of like moon cakes."

"Really? We didn't know that. Did-eth thou?"

"I'm on you with this topic. I didn't know either."

"Mmm-hmm. We shalt take the Frostie."

"KKKKT! Smarties or Oreos?"

"Smarties, we guess."

"KKKKT! OK, that would normally come up to $20.05, but you are the princesses-"

"No, no, we'll pay for it... Aw, damn, I'm broke. Do you have anything?"

"...Yes, we do have a couple bits on us. Here thou go-eth."

"Ooo, it's not enough. OK, I'm gonna need to cancel the last item!"

"KKKKT! OK, cancelling the last item."

"You bet your horrible job you are."

"KKKKT! Hurtful. Move onto the first window to pay."

"What ever. Let's go- HEE-YAH!"

"Mmph. Phphphphphphphphphphphphphph ..."

**ONE TIME LASPE LATER...**

"Ungh... These Nuggets - nngh - are delicious."

"We wanted out shake..."

"Too - UGH - bad - fmingah."

"...Do we still have to drink that Diet Coke?"

"Yeah... MPNGH... Hold on a second, I'll - UNGH - get mine... Uh, you can go home now!"

"OK, your majesty."

"You know, I didn't know they'd take that buck seriously. But, anyways, my Co-..."

"What is it, sis-"

"They forgot my COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOKE!"

"Wha? Why did-eth thou say 'Coke' like that?"

"Because it's funnier to say 'Coke' as 'COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK E'."

"No, it be-eth not. Anyways, art thou going to go get one?"

"Sure, why not."

"OK, we shalt see thou when thou get-eth back."

"Sure, whatever. See ya, Luna!"

"Good-bye..."

"..."

"Well, since nopony's here, we might as well..."

"..."

"..."

"...Luna?"

"Aah!... Celestia, what art thou doing back so early?"

"I just realized that I didn't need one. What are you doing?"

"Uhm... Nothing."

"It's nothing. I mean, what are- IS THAT A... It is! You DO do it to yourself!"

"So what... What if we art doing it ourselves?"

"It's just... YOU MOTHERBUCKING PIECE OF FLUFF! Hasn't Applejack taught you ANYTHING?"

"Actually, to our knowledge, she barely tells the truth."

"Besides the point! Look, missy, if you can do it to yourself, you can let other ponies do it to you!"

"Sister, we do not wish to do such an act."

"NO! If you'll buck yourself, you can do anypony else! In fact, you can do me!"

"Wha- NO! Sister, no!"

"Oh yes, yes I will!"

"Sistr, we beg-eth thou! This be-eth a bad decision!"

"Don't try and run!"

"GAH!"

"Yeah, you thought you could get rid of that, could you? But ya can't!"

"Sister, please, we will do anypony just not- GAH!"

"Yeah, take it! Take it good! Ha-ha! This is even better then Chapter 37! Woo! WOO! YEAH! Remember what I told you about the needles? Well then, stop squirming! Fantastic! This is fantastic I- WAKE UP!"

"AAHH! What? What is it, Twilight?"

"I'm bucking- I'M BUCKING WAKING YOU UP, NYX!"

"By doing whatever that wa-"

"YES, BY BUCKING YOU UP THE PLOT! All I'm saying is LET'S GET BUCKING PHYSICAL!... Ugh... OK... Let's take it from the top..."

**A/N: ...What. Y'know, normally, this would have been in script format, but I has to obey the rules of FIMFiction and . So whatevs. Bonum nocte et fortuna.**


End file.
